Using Genograms
It’s a Genogram,
It’s like a people map,
Child looks puzzled
“A map of your family”
Aha! Child understands
I elaborate
“So if you are talking about Chorley
I will know where Chorley fits into your picture
Without having to interrupt your story to ask”
Child looks thoughtful then asks, “Who is Chorley?”
“Isn’t that what you call your Granpa?”
The smile breaks through and lights up the room,
She knows I’m being silly
“No, he’s just Gramp”
“Is that mummy’s daddy or daddy’s daddy?”
I draw the square and write the name Gramp
And so we begin
Each Child had a family map
Easing the beginning of our time together
Making those first questions about The Others
Breaks Ice
The maps provided vital details
And
Insight deeper than Child Words
Sometimes at the end of a session, my head and heart would spin
I‘d speak the feeling,
“Phew, makes me dizzy. What’s it like living it? ”
Clearly Child has been waiting for someone to speak it
There are divided loyalties
Having someone to talk to seems to help
A little bit
I add faces
I draw them down one side just like the legend on a map
So Child can point to the face they most often see on that person
Each Child understands
One Child insisted I add a Father-crying-face
We talked
My heart broke that day
For Child
For Father
Another asked for Mother-face… “Small, smaller…
Make her mouth just a full stop.” Child said
When it came to Father’s face
I understood
One Child, approaching manhood
Struggled with Essential Self
His map revealed Mystery Men
Father: unknown
Grand fathers: unknown
Boyfriends: Numerous, known but faceless
No Relationship
No Respect
His Teacher his only Significant Male Role Model,
Walked taller that day
But one Tormented Child taught me the Importance of Maps
Her father had fallen in love with Lady Fair,
“He’s sick in love,” she told me
I knew what she meant
I’d met them
I agreed, he was smitten
They had decided to move in together
To see if the Family would take
Everyone was happy
Except for Child whose naughtiness was growing day by day
I drew the family map as she directed
The Ice Broke
Trickle turned to flood
As the story spilled out I let her talk
Her daddy didn’t love her anymore…
He loved Lady Fair and her daughter more
The tears rolled on with words hot and fast
“I’m trying to be nice but I just can’t
I feel so sad and angry all the time”
We talked about the new arrangements,
The parents had to share a room
But they were okay with that
Her boys had a room
They were okay too
But the girls had to share a room
Her room
She had to share, her room and her daddy
No wonder she was so unhappy
We talked and talked
Worked out a few things that needed to be sorted out
Including a special place she could call her own
She was still not happy as we finished
It would take some work
I finished the family map and showed her
Jagged conflict lines told the story
I pointed to the circles those lines connected
“Remember, circles are girls, we need to put names on them
Who is who?”
She pointed to the one nearest Her Daddy
She named the Cuckoo in the Nest
“So where are you?
“All the way over here,” she points
“Is that how it feels?”
Child head nods
Heavy Hearted
“Well, that may be how it feels, but this circle, the double circle, that’s you
She is all the way over there.
And that will never change
You are his little girl and your place is here”
Child eyes grow wide
Pause, as Truth trickles down
“Do you think your daddy is being extra kind to her, so she feels welcome?
I mean she’s had to come to your house, share your room… and share your daddy
What do you think?”
She was happy
For now it was enough
The sight of a few pen marks on a page made The Difference.
Daddy – Daughter Restored
When we get lost in Relationships
It helps to have a map
Words and Pictures © Denise Stanford 2010
Case details have been altered or combined to respect confidentiality
Genograms were established as a clinical tool by M. McGoldrick & R Gerson, Genograms: Assessment and Intervention, 1985
Adding faces and pets, is my idea!
Within the Vine 