Princess Lost
She’s preteen, approaching Puberty and running scared
Recent behaviour has shocked her parents
Teachers are concerned
There is talk of sexual abuse
As she walks into the room her sadness is clear
Uncaring of herself, hair lank & greasy, skin pale, almost waxy
Her general air is stale, lifeless and unkempt
There is no glow about her,
She is slumped and dark shadows age her
Her genogram (Family Map) reveals she was an only child for much of her childhood
Suddenly it seems her childhood is over
Her parents separated
In parting her daddy vowed
Always my Princess
Always my Special Girl
Always you, no one but you
And so it remained for sometime,
She ever-hoping they would get back together
Neither said anything of other loves
And suddenly they divorce
Her mother, once her ‘best friend’, remarried
New Baby came soon, another followed
Now this a household of babies and toddlers,
Sleepless nights and tantrums
Suddenly there is no time no money no space for a preteen lifestyle
In 3 short years she has become unqualified nanny and childminder
Not only to her mother’s new family but also cousins and friends
There was little opportunity for family bonding
No time to develop a meaningful relationship with her new step father
Her own father who had vowed so deeply
Promised so diligently
Found a new younger wife
She was now the love of his life
He became the father of brand new baby girl,
She was his Princess
Dethroned and detached from both parents
Dislocated from home and family
Disenchanted by lost loyalties, lost childhood
Duties and expectations beyond her years
Dismayed at her swift slide into womanhood
She was not ready
Now a fly in the ointment
She did not share the new glow her parents had found in others
She was angry and ‘acting up’
Her parent’s alliance was over
New alliances made
Their coalition with her, lost along the way
Her needs over-shadowed by their own
Once established, her point of view was presented to her parents. 
She began with ‘I don’t want you to argue over this’
They realised pursuing their own interests had left her behind
Each believed the other parent, more important to the child
Mother-daughter days were established, and enjoyed
Father-daughter days re established
Whilst she was expected to help in everyday ways, in each household
She was no longer substitute nanny
She could choose to play with the children
As equal
As big sister
An allowance was made for teen trinkets, her private space redecorated
Bonding with the ‘step-parents’ was important too.
Step mum introduced her to dressmaking enabling her to expand her wardrobe and establish her personal taste
In time she acknowledged the changes that must inevitably happen, we also worked through the truth that whilst her body was changing, becoming ‘woman’ was a long way off and that was okay too
Rally woman-kind, support this maid
Redeem her childhood
Restore her value as unique
Reignite the light within that speaks true beauty
Allow her to be sister, daughter, not friend nor nanny
Do not rush, in her time
Celebrate her transition to womanhood
Return the joy lost
See her
Hear her
Find her amidst the torrid turmoil of burdened days
Rescue her and
In finding her
Each woman finds her own Princess Lost
Case details have been altered &/or combined to respect confidentiality
Words and Pictures © Denise Stanford 2010
Within the Vine 