Calm
So close
Too close
The street is narrow
Cars, trucks, motorbikes pass
All rushing, pressing
Hammering through a foggy haze of exhaust fumes
Horns toot, tyres screech
Tempers flare
Crossing lights change
The throbbing signal telling me
The tide is held
I cross the road
I am in pain
My discomfort a distorted silent scream
The nearby café looks safe
I find a table deep against the back wall
Steam hisses from the coffee machine
The chair leg screeches on the tiles
Finger nails on chalkboard
My pain spikes
I hardly taste the coffee
I am aware of how odd all this is…
Escaping hospital calm
Magnifies
The madness of everyday normal
A chasm waiting to claim me
The effect of prolonged stress
On my disabling Post-Polio condition
On each and every human condition
I return to peaceful calm
More aware
Some where
Somehow Life became stressful
Influencing ill health
Increases pain perception
What else does stress do?
More
Too much more
If I allow everything
I stop nothing
I cease to choose
Slow down
What will happen?
If I…
Close the doors
Reclaim the space
Eat at table unhurried
Turn off intrusions
Give time and attention to the Precious
Do I recognise the Precious?
Slow it down
Slow down
Make more choices
Claim Calm
Deliberate
Weigh it carefully
Choose to
Slow movements,
Slow words
Slow thinking
Slow eating
Prioritise, be Aware, discover Calm
I read of monks
Sitting, eyes closed
One sultana in the mouth
Feeling the taste of it
The panic surrounding clutter depletes energy
Carrying too many burdens, worries
Unnecessary baggage, emotional difficulties…
Crowds out calm
Simplify
Fighting for calm Chases it away
Pressing calm drives it further
Like a damp pip between fingers
Slow down, claim space
Relax
Nurturing Gentleness
Watch calm creep close
Like a deer in the forest
Breathe calm into each situation
Smooth out the wave peaks
Settle extremes
Pull them into safe-place
Find recovery here
Mend from the strains of day by day
To find tranquil
No longer accept exhaustion as normal
Panic rises
Threatens
I am aware, determined to Stay balanced
Stepping out again into traffic
I Take An island of Calm
Standing within the Flames
Watching the Ferments flow around me
I remain unconsumed
Untouched by Chaos
Confident in Calm
Words and Pictures © Denise Stanford 2010
Within the Vine 