Within the Vine

I try

I try so hard

To hold back the waves

Huge

Icy

Grey

Dumpers

Hitting me

Hard and harder

Expected

Unexpected

They surge over me

Knocking me to my knees

Threatening

To overwhelm

To drown

Taking my breathe

Deadening all warmth

Numbing all joy

Paralysing all hope

I cannot see

I cannot hear

Above this relentless roar

This endless pounding

King Cnut sat 

Upon his worldly throne

Intent upon stemming the tide

Daring it to touch his royal person

He failed

Declaring

Only God

Creator of Tides

Commands

Laws Eternal

I also fail

To stem the Grief

The panic

The pain

Though I strive to prevent them

Waves of

Regret

Sadness

Solitude

Heartache

Raw Panic

And Longing

Hit me hard

The enemy hits me deep

And deeper still

I cannot stem this onslaught

It must happen

I have loved

I have lost

This then is the cost

Holy Spirit whispers

Bringing something to mind

So in Submission

I cross my hands upon my breast

Closing my eyes

I lean back into the arms of my Lord

Like the Supplicant come to the Baptist

I lean into Him

I rest upon Him

I give myself to the experience

He will support me

He will not let me go

As the waters rush over me

I am submerged

Drenched by the experience

I give each icy surge to Him

For His measure

For His answer

For Him to order

As I name each sorrow

He asks, Do you give all to me?

I reply

Yes

Yes Lord

All…

And I weep unashamed

My tears adding to the salty tide

And I sorrow from a heart full of Love

For my husband

For what might have been

And I rejoice in the Blessings of Marriage long

Though parted by death

We are joined in the Father

Closer and Closer yet

I can rest in His arms….

Words and Pictures © Denise Stanford 2013

~ by Denise Within the Vine on 23/07/2013.

Posted in Encouragement, Grief, Meditation, Reflections, Thanksgiving, Treasures of Darkness, Walking with Him
Tags: anxiety, baptism, death, depression, encouragement, grief, husband, marriage, panic, sorrow, surrender, tears, Walking with Him, waves, widow, wife