My Surrender

evening tide1

I try

I try so hard

To hold back the waves

Huge

Icy

Grey

Dumpers

Hitting me

Hard and harder

Expected

Unexpected

baptism6

They surge over me

Knocking me to my knees

Threatening

To overwhelm

To drown

Taking my breathe

Deadening all warmth

Numbing all joy

Paralysing all hope

I cannot see

I cannot hear

Above this relentless roar

This endless pounding

baptism9

King Cnut sat 

Upon his worldly throne

Intent upon stemming the tide

Daring it to touch his royal person

He failed

Declaring

Only God

Creator of Tides

Commands

Laws Eternal

evening tide 2

I also fail

To stem the Grief

The panic

The pain

Though I strive to prevent them

Waves of

Regret

Sadness

Solitude

Heartache

Raw Panic

And Longing

Hit me hard

The enemy hits me deep

And deeper still

I cannot stem this onslaught

It must happen

I have loved

I have lost

This then is the cost

tern1

Holy Spirit whispers

Bringing something to mind

So in Submission

I cross my hands upon my breast

Closing my eyes

I lean back into the arms of my Lord

Like the Supplicant come to the Baptist

I lean into Him

I rest upon Him

I give myself to the experience

He will support me

He will not let me go

series3 crayfshbayIMG_0983

As the waters rush over me

I am submerged

Drenched by the experience

I give each icy surge to Him

For His measure

For His answer

For Him to order

As I name each sorrow

He asks, Do you give all to me?

I reply

Yes

Yes Lord

All…

baptist3

And I weep unashamed

My tears adding to the salty tide

And I sorrow from a heart full of Love

For my husband

For what might have been

And I rejoice in the Blessings of Marriage long

Though parted by death

We are joined in the Father

Closer and Closer yet

I can rest in His arms….

baptist4

Words and Pictures © Denise Stanford 2013

~ by Denise Within the Vine on 23/07/2013.

3 Responses to “My Surrender”

  1. Denise, you just amazing. Express yourself so well. Reading this brings tears to my eyes. I admire you. Keep leaning on the Lord. Love, Winnie

  2. awwwww… heartbreaking. I’m sorry I can’t make it all better. So glad that God can, in time, soothe and heal and comfort and strengthen and enable you to flourish. You won’t just be ‘surviving’ forever – you will blossom. You are beautiful and clever and wise and loving – thanks for all you give us Denise. Love you.

  3. Thank you Denise for sharing your heart with us.
    There truly IS something amazing and victorious in giving oneself over to expressing deep sadness, grieving, and crying out to God, in submission and absolute surrender.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: