When Healing Doesn’t Come
I enjoy the pure pleasure of running,
The wind in my face,
Workings of muscle, limb and lungs…
Heart pumping exhilaration
The freedom and release – astonishing!
Someone even called out to me,” Where’s your wheelchair?”
My reply came in breathless gasps,” I don’t need a wheelchair in dreams!”
I am, among other things, a Polio Survivor.
Post-Polio Syndrome now my constant companion
It limits my everyday activities like standing for long or walking…
A powered wheelchair is my go-to
I used to call it my electric chair… but that drew too many odd looks!
Running, dancing are long gone
Singing or speaking for long periods
My most recent losses.
Of course, among Christians, I have been asked many times about healing,
Do I believe enough to be healed,
The implication being if you believe hard enough, you will be healed
I find this highly offensive
I know a mother broken and weary by her son’s battle with Cancer
She was told, “If you believed enough even now he could be healed!”
We were at his funeral!
I know what the Lord chose to do for Martha and Mary
Oh, how we love to think we know God’s heart!
How we love to try and be God!
Healing is His to do or do not
It’s His bidding!
I have seen Him heal
I know it happens
I have witnessed miracles
And yet
My answer is this.
Should God choose to heal me
He has my permission to go right ahead without hesitation.
That mother’s son was a wonderful believer, I know he felt the same!
God does heal
I’ve seen it
I bear witness
Miracles happen
I repeat
God heals
Not people
I will accept what God has in store for me with as much grace as I am able
Much like I did when this horrible condition began to interfere with the life I had at the time!
I was a Christian then too,
My life fully and firmly held in His hands,
My career set on a new ministry
Which is why I know He allowed this to happen.
He didn’t make it happen
But since He was there when Polio attacked
He was with the Child close to death
He knows the extent of damage done
He knew how it would take its toll.
He could have stopped it
He chose not to
There must be a good reason!
I came to know Him through what followed
So why would I spend every borrowed breath asking Him to take it away?
This is God’s chosen path for me
I have much to learn
That’s hard to swallow at times
Sometimes I struggle,
I weep overall I’ve lost
I rage over what others have
I’ve come to know that God deals in Tough Love
What’s best for us isn’t always comfortable, nor easy, certainly not pretty
I have met people on this path I would not have met otherwise
Humility, vulnerability, exhaustion, dependence
Learning to ask,
Learning to be
And an utter end of Self
Sometimes He allows the ugly because He trusts us.
He trusts us enough to take Him into it
So He can work through it with us
At times when the pain is too bad,
When the weakness floors me
When the choking scares me
I pray He takes it away.
He gives me ease
He also gives me courage, patience, faith, trust
The weakness to find Him in the midst
Because
What I have to bring
All I have to bring
Is an inadequate offering
Merely crumbs
Not much helps
I struggle, fight, weep
Raging over all I’ve lost
He makes up the difference,
As promised in His Word
In His strength alone
I live, breathe, touch, taste,
I watch, see, listen, laugh
I love, meditate, wait
I knit, write, potter, pray,
I hope
And have dreams where I dance and run with pure joy…
Words and Pictures ©Denise Stanford 2020
Within the Vine 