When Healing Doesn’t Come

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I enjoy the pure pleasure of running,

The wind in my face,

Workings of muscle, limb and lungs…

Heart pumping exhilaration

The freedom and release – astonishing!

Someone even called out to me,” Where’s  your wheelchair?”

My reply came in breathless gasps,” I don’t need a wheelchair in dreams!”

I am, among other things, a Polio Survivor.

Post-Polio Syndrome now my constant companion

It limits my everyday activities like standing for long or walking…

A powered wheelchair is my go-to

I used to call it my electric chair… but that drew too many odd looks!

Running, dancing are long gone

Singing or speaking for long periods

My most recent losses.

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Of course, among Christians, I have been asked many times about healing,

Do I believe enough to be healed,

The implication being if you believe hard enough, you will be healed

I find this highly offensive

I know a mother broken and weary by her son’s battle with Cancer

She was told, “If you believed enough even now he could be healed!”

We were at his funeral!

I know what the Lord chose to do for Martha and Mary

Oh, how we love to think we know God’s heart!

How we love to try and be God!

Healing is His to do or do not

It’s His bidding!

I have seen Him heal

I know it happens

I have witnessed miracles

And yet

My answer is this.

Should God choose to heal me

He has my permission to go right ahead without hesitation.

That mother’s son was a wonderful believer, I know he felt the same!

God does heal

I’ve seen it

I bear witness

Miracles happen

I repeat

God heals

Not people

I will accept what God has in store for me with as much grace as I am able

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Much like I did when this horrible condition began to interfere with the life I had at the time!

I was a Christian then too,

My life fully and firmly held in His hands,

My career set on a new ministry

Which is why I know He allowed this to happen.

He didn’t make it happen

But since He was there when Polio attacked

He was with the Child close to death

He knows the extent of damage done

He knew how it would take its toll.

He could have stopped it

He chose not to

There must be a good reason!

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I came to know Him through what followed

So why would I spend every borrowed breath asking Him to take it away?

This is God’s chosen path for me

I have much to learn

That’s hard to swallow at times

Sometimes I struggle,

I weep overall I’ve lost

I rage over what others have

I’ve come to know that God deals in Tough Love

What’s best for us isn’t always comfortable, nor easy, certainly not pretty

I have met people on this path I would not have met otherwise

Humility, vulnerability, exhaustion, dependence

Learning to ask,

Learning to be

And an utter end of Self

Sometimes He allows the ugly because He trusts us.

He trusts us enough to take Him into it

So He can work through it with us

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At times when the pain is too bad,

When the weakness floors me

When the choking scares me

I pray He takes it away.

He gives me ease

He also gives me courage, patience, faith, trust

The weakness to find Him in the midst

Because

What I have to bring

All I have to bring

Is an inadequate offering

Merely crumbs

Not much helps

I struggle, fight, weep

Raging over all I’ve lost

He makes up the difference,

As promised in His Word

In His strength alone

I live, breathe, touch, taste,

I watch, see, listen, laugh

I love, meditate, wait

I knit, write, potter, pray,

I hope

And have dreams where I dance and run with pure joy…

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Words and Pictures ©Denise Stanford 2020

~ by Denise Within the Vine on 20/01/2020.

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